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Sunday, December 20, 2020

3 years and also 3 months

It's weird how time works. In some ways it seems like Steve has been gone for so long and in other ways I feel like I saw him yesterday. It's been 3 years since he left this earth and started watching over us. 

It seems like we've gotten grip on the new normal... not having him at dinner, not making him coffee in the morning, not getting any hugs, making decisions on my own and being okay without him here.

My new normal now includes a new person as well. It's been 3 months since I started seeing someone. I spent a lot of time this past week feeling weird. I was in a space where I wanted to be with Chris but also really missing Steve. I know Steve and I would still be together if he hadn't died. I also know that Steve wouldn't want me to be alone. Chris told me that It is okay to be sad and to miss him. He said that Steve left suddenly and that I've got a lot of responsibility with the boys and my house. 

I wasn't sure how I was going to spend the three year anniversary day and if it would be okay to spend it with Chris. It was. We went and visited his niece and her critter farm. It was something so different that it made the day easier.

I feel so blessed that God has given me two men to love, to be in love with and to love me. I will never forget the love that Steve and I shared and our marriage. But I'm now learning that I can keep that love and also have new love.