I got asked today about the "hard time was coming up". I guess so. It will be four years on December 19th.
In some ways, it is hard to believe that he is not here, that I don't need to shop for a gift for under the tree, and that we have made it four years without him. But on the other hand, we have made it 4 years doing things differently while keeping some of the same traditions, we have grown and changed, and there are times that I think about him being gone and the tears do not fall.
I have my moments for sure...little things like seeing the type of Combos he liked at the gas station and bigger things like facebook memories of him hunting with the older two boys and his dad or being with my nephew he never got to meet. But I don't cry every time the song, "Perfect" comes on the radio or when someone asks me about him or shares a memory. I have figured out how to run the household as a single mom, although the dishwasher isn't fixed. I am moving forward in my relationship with a wonderful man. My kids are changing and growing into the type of men we wanted them to be. I welcomed a daughter-in-law this summer.
So yes, a hard time is coming up but I know we will get through it. Our track record for surviving hard days is pretty good! We will focus on the memories of the good times and traditions. We will focus on all that his life and death have taught us and how it has helped us and so many other people.