Tuesday December 19th

6 years ago it was a Tuesday. My life changed so much. The loss was scary numbing and unbelievable. How could he be gone forever? Maybe he was just on a trip or went for a ride or needed a break? How do I do this alone? How can I be a single mom? How will I make decisions? How do I take care of grieving kids while grieving myself? How do we tell everyone? Did we eat? Who slept? Can we plan and hold a funeral before Christmas? Who's coming from out of town? Where will they stay? Who's going to do the snow removal? What bills need to be paid? What packages need to be mailed out? What will we do with all this food? Who's going to school and it's okay to want to go. Let's experience all the emotions at one time. How can you be sad one minute that angry than next but then laugh about something that then makes you cry? I don't know how to do this! I'm not ready to have him gone! We had so many plans! This isn't fair! How does God think that this is okay? My bed is lonely! No more hugs! No more smartass comments! Projects aren't done.

6 years later it's Tuesday again. I still love and miss you. I'm doing okay most of the time. I still wish you had been able to stay with us. I'm glad you watch over us and leave us quarters. I know God had a plan and hopefully it's going well. I met someone new, he loves me too. The boys are growing up and I think I'm doing okay raising them. I'm so thankful for family and friends love and support especially since they're grieving too. Thankful we can share both tears and joy. I make more decisions now. I choose me more often. I still drive your truck and live in the house. I'm helping other widows and finding some peace. FernGully is coming out soon. A couple people have shared the news with me. It's certainly not the same without you but I wouldn't change the 25 years we had together. I'm glad you asked me out. I'm glad I said yes. I'm glad we were married and raised three amazing kids together. I'm glad we made plans for the future. I'm glad I'm moving forward but not forgetting. You were the love of a lifetime. We just didn't know that the lifetime would only be 42 years. I know you're right there waiting and watching over us.

I love you.

I miss you.

You are not forgotten.