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Saturday, May 23, 2020

IN heaven

In studying Ephesians chapter 3 verses 14-18 today, I realized that we say "in" heaven and "on" Earth. For some reason the words "in" and "on" caught my attention.

I looked up the definition of in and it means to indicate inclusion within a place space or limits; within something abstract or a material;  during a period or limit of time;  to transition from one state to another. The definition of on is: so as to be or remain supported by or suspended from; so as to be attached or unified with.

My goal is to be included in a place. I do not just want to be supported and suspended. I want to have inclusion. When we get to heaven we experience eternal life. We no longer are just on a planet being supported. We are now included within and in a state of being. We are in a position.

I looked up synonyms of the word in. They include words like contemporary, current, all the rage, latest thing, popular, upscale, well-liked, with it and prevailing. The antonyms are antiquated, the old, old, past, and unfashionable. Another word suggestion for in is to belong. To belong is to be a member, the allied to, associated with, the one of, be included in, in with, who support, fit in, and have a place.

I don't just want to be on. I don't want to be about, above, against, beside, held, close to, upon, or just be along, at or by. 

I truly believe that Steve and others that have passed and left Earth are in heaven. I don't feel like heaven is a place that you travel to like we do here on Earth but is an existence that you have.

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Holy Saturday 2020

Holy Saturday. How sad angry and confused the people in Jerusalem must have been. Did anywhere else know? How quickly did the news spread? Did many parts of the world not know about his death and Resurrection for weeks or even months?

Those that didn't know he died weren't ever upset. When they heard the news they got to focus on the resurrection. We also don't need to be upset when somebody dies. We already know that they are in heaven with no pain no sorrow, only that ultimate Joy. 

we are upset because we miss them, we regret not saying certain things, we worry about those left behind and how they will go on, we worry it will happen to others of the same age, but we shouldn't. We don't have to worry. God has got this. God knows what he's doing.

I'm not saying to not be sad, to not comfort each other, to not take time to grieve, to miss them, to love them. It's healthy but it's not the only way. You can grieve and feel joy at the same time. You can be angry and upset and still believe in eternal life. You can worry about how you will go on and what life is going to look like, but God is always in control. 

You will go on for as long as God's plan allows. 

You will have eternal life too.

You will experience the ultimate choice.

Trust.

Love.

Believe


Sunday, March 22, 2020

Published my story

As of today, a paperback and e-book version of my story is available on Amazon.

It is called, "it's okay to be okay; finding joy through grief" by Emilie Lancour. Right now it can be found by searching for either my name or the subtitle.

Here is the description of the book:


After unexpectedly losing my husband, I journaled to connect with my faith and to understand why God allowed this to happen. We had been married for over twenty years and were raising three teenage boys together. I wasn't sure how to get up daily; how to grieve while my children and family were also grieving; how to run a house; and to work a full-time job. Through a lot of prayers, scripture, meditating and writing, I found joy and acceptance of God's plan. I have discovered that I am stronger than I thought. I have learned to be a widow and a single parent. I hope to encourage others to find peace, joy, and happiness while grieving the loss of a loved one.



While I was working not he acknowledgment page, I had a meditation music station playing, and when I got to the part where I was writing about Steve, Amazing Grace was the song that played. I know it was Steve stopping by to say hi and that he was proud of me.


Saturday, February 29, 2020

taxes again

Starting to work on my taxes and even though I knew I was going to have to answer questions about my marital status and my filing status, it's still so hard and so weird to have to choose his death date and getting the notification that I qualify as a widow.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

A book!

If taken some of my journal rights over the last 2 years and connected them to things that I have written here as well. All of these pieces are turning into a book.

The book is titled "It's Okay to be Okay; Finding Joy through Grief. 

I am hoping to have it published and be able to share it with others who have gone through a loss and need the hope of God to find Joy everyday.

I would love to have copies at funeral homes and at Omega house.

Thursday, December 19, 2019

2 years

Two years and I'm okay. It's okay to be okay today and every day. It's okay to miss him and his love, sense of humor, strength and compassion but it's also okay to smile when I remember those things. The years we were together taught me so much and I'm grateful to God for that. I'm grateful for the time He gave us to be a couple, to be a husband and wife, to be parents, to be members of a church and community, to help the world and to make a difference. And those of us that he affected in love will always have that love no matter if it's been 2 years or 20 years. His memory and legacy will not go away even if there are days when we don't think about it or noticed the little things or his voice is not clear and his face cannot be pictured. 
I need to check in with others today. I need to let them know that I love them into thinking about how hard it must be for each of them to lose a dad, or a child or a sibling or a best friend. Everyone's loss and grief are so different and that's okay too.

Saturday, December 14, 2019

what am I carrying?

I listen to a podcast yesterday and she talked about what are we carrying? And it can be from an hour ago or last week or 20 years ago. We can always put these things down. We can pick them back up and put them down again as many times as needed. 

Grieg can be put down and left for a long time and then picked up again at an anniversary or a holiday or an event. 

I think I did that. I think over the summer I put my grief down my anger my loneliness, but now that we're approaching an anniversary I seem to have picked it up again and I'm carrying it and it's heavy. I see the boys carrying it too and as a mom I want to take it from them and I really want to be able to put it down, for all of us, and to carry joy, peace, love, memories of the good times, instead of this heavy sad grief that weighs us down. 

Jesus said take my yoke for my burden is easy. I need to do that. I need to give my load to him. He has the ultimate strength to carry my burdens. I need to put down a lot of things I'm carrying and let Jesus pick them up and carry them for me. Some things I hope he carries away so that I'm not able to pick them back up they'll be over.

 Grief will always be there. It won't ever go away far enough that I can't pick it up, but it feels lighter when I do decide to carry it again and I don't feel I need to carry it for as long as each time.

I know I carry other things too. 

God, I give you my heavy loads. Thank you for giving me the strength to carry them for this long. Thank you for hope, for faith, and for love. Amen.