Friday, March 1, 2024

visible changes

In the last few weeks I decided that I needed my bathroom to be a little more like a retreat or a mini spa. I already owned white bath towels, but I purchased white hand towels and a white soap dispenser to go on the white counter. I removed the blue bath mat and carpet and replaced those with white. I cleaned some stuff off of the floor and some ended up in the garbage, but Steve's body wash still needed to be kept for whatever reason and so it went in the cabinet.

I was telling a friend about this and she pointed out how huge this was.

Other than changing the shower curtain I really hadn't done much in this bathroom since Steve passed away. Redecorating a room doesn't seem like a big deal, but it does when this is the space that he passed away in.

I did it without any grief. The body wash was a small short-lived little trigger, but mostly a smile of the memory of the smell. 

I didn't do it to remove his memory from the space I did it to bring myself a little more joy.

It's been 6 years without any real changes that were visible to anyone else that would have come to my bedroom/bathroom area. 

Within the first year, I took his clothes out of the closet and a dresser. It took a while to be able to do that. I started using the master bathroom instead of our other bathroom because it was just me getting ready in the morning. I started using fleece sheets which he would have hated.

But so far this year I have redecorated the bathroom. I have created ia space on "his side" of the room for me to do yoga, prayer, journaling, coloring and chakra dance. I moved and set up a work/business space where his table had been in our office. Visible changes. 

Little changes that are bringing me joy. I'm making the space a little more mine and a little less us and it's okay! 

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