For the past couple weeks I've been thinking that I need to clean out his clothes. I don't know why now. I don't know why I couldn't before, but it needs to happen. I'm on summer vacation and maybe now my brain is giving me time to think.
I started making piles of everything on the bed. I threw out some things like socks and underwear. I took pictures of a couple things that I wanted to remember but didn't necessarily need to keep. I made a keep pile of things that I couldn't throw away or give away. I called two or three people to see if there was anything they could remember that they might want. I had his parents and sister come over and take things that they wanted.
It's saying goodbye all over again and really really hard.
I moved his dresser out completely to make a journaling space for myself. I moved some things around in the closet. I didn't need the space and so I'm creating a new one. I think not seeing his dresser and his clothes hanging in my closet every day in some ways is a relief.
I still keep his body wash and shampoo in the shower. Some of his things are still in the medicine cabinet. And all the little mementos and papers he saved from me and the boys are still in his nightstand.
Little steps here and there.