My faith is one of the biggest things that has kept me going and helped me heal.
I know and believe that God created each one of us according to his plan. We will never know what that plan is and we need to be okay with that and trust that it's meant to be and whatever happens will be okay.
When Steve and I got married we planned to celebrate our 25th anniversary and our 50th and maybe even our 60th. We worked hard at our marriage so we could be together and be a good example for our boys. We were faithful. We loved each other. We were in love. We had our struggles and our arguments. We were best friends, lovers and parents together. We knew we would be together until death did us part. I never expected to only make it 20 years together as husband and wife.
I truly 100% believe that God gave us the time we needed to be together. As hard as it is parenting alone, I know that we built the foundation together and I am meant to continue building it by myself. I know Steve watches over each and every one of us everyday. He is here, he is there, he is everywhere.
My faith tells me that there is a heaven. Heaven is a place without pain and without sorrow. Heaven is another place that you get to do the work that God has chosen you for. I believe I will meet Steve again when I get to heaven.
One of the best pieces of advice I heard was to tell God when you're angry with him or confused by his plan. This was very hard for me but I realized that God knows all of my thoughts and what is in my heart. He knows I was mad that he took Steve away from his family. He knows I was confused about how I was to be a single mom. I prayed through these things. It's okay to feel all these emotions and more.
Continuing my faith, I write in a journal and three things I am grateful for and a sentence or two that I hear God telling me every morning. I read a devotional. I usually journal my thoughts worries and questions and end with a written short prayer. When I have trouble falling asleep, I send a prayer or listen to a rosary recording.
Being in the church that we grew upin, were married in and had our children baptized in is still really hard sometimes. I don't always feel as close to God in the church building as I do standing on the shores of Lake Superior. My boys have struggled with their faith and I know that God will continue to guide them and watch over them.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
"Be still and know that I am God."
"I have prepared a place for you."