Camper and Body Wash

Before Steve died we talked about what would happen and he always said that I would be okay financially because I would be able to have the life insurance and then would sell the truck, boat and camper.

 I have not been able to sell the truck and I think that made sense financially as well as emotionally. We had had a loan on it as it was new. I find comfort in driving his truck. We fit in it very well and it has been reliable and dependable. It took a long time before I was able to remove his fishing hat from the dash and other things that were his in the vehicle. 

My family and I decided to gift the boat to Steve's best friend as they were the two that had fished together.  His friend was the reason why our boat had as much fishing equipment as it did. We gave it to him as a Father's Day gift a couple months after Steve had passed away.

The camper sat all that first summer. Then last summer we went out in it one time. It's now sat since then. I'm not even sure we physically would be able to sleep in the camper with the boys being over 6 ft tall. I talked about selling it last year and didn't do it. I've talked about selling it this year and haven't done it. I think because this is the last big thing that needs to be dealt with, I'm really struggling. I need to take the rocking chairs and some other things out and put the slide out out to be able to take pictures so I can post it for sale. Every time I think about going and doing it I get a headache. It doesn't make any financial sense to keep it when I have to pay for storage every winter. It takes up space in our driveway and makes parking difficult. We haven't been using it and most likely will not. I worry that it's going to deteriorate or get mice or something and then another family won't be able to enjoy it as much as we did. But yet knowing all of this I can't sell it.

The other thing that I have not been able to throw away or get rid of is the bottle of body wash in the shower. The first many months after Steve died I would squirt some on the wall in the shower and lean against it and sob. I've stopped doing that but for some reason cannot remove it from the bathroom.

It's frustrating and confusing that certain items can be such a trigger.