18 months

I have been thinking about the fact that today it's 18 months. A year-and-a-half.

At the beginning I counted it day by day. Then we move to week by week. And now for the last while it's been month by month.

Going through grief is like being a child, you count the months and you look for the little things to celebrate each month. I feel like I've been growing just like an infant. I started off not knowing who I was not knowing how to get help and not being confident in myself. Over the last 18 months I've learned to talk to different people, to get the help I need, to gain a little confidence in who I am and what my purpose is for being here and am also gaining some confidence. It's similar to how a child learns to cry when they need comfort not just food or a diaper change.  How they learn to trust the adults around them to guide them.  How they start to take those first steps on their own.  How they start to say things that have meaning.

I'm 18 months old on my grief journey. I know eventually I will get to the point where we just counted in years instead of month by month.

I need to remember to look for the little celebrations like saying my first word of Truth, conveying what I need and not always trying to please everyone else, learning to take steps out by myself and do things for me.