I got a package in the mail the other day from a friend because she was thinking about me and wanted me to know that. Awesome.
In the package was a book called "Option B; Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy". It's written by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I started reading it and even though I'm only halfway through, it's already amazing. Everyone should read this book whether you've lost someone or not.
It talks about what to say to people and what you're feeling and what's right and what's wrong and a lot of it is really perfect.
The whole idea of resilience rings true to me. I have been asked how I get out of bed every day. I have to. Option A is gone and so I follow Option B. Option B is moving forward, creating new memories, doing what needs to happen so that my life and the life my boys can continue. I know that the grief is not going to go away but I need to learn how to cope with having greif in my life. There are always going to be new times of grief.
I know when people ask me how I am today, it's because they care. But some days that question is really hard because I don't know how I'm feeling and I don't know what to answer. My personality makes me think of what the other person is feeling too and I don't want to be upsetting to them so that adds to the difficulty. I try to be honest and if it's an 'eh' kind of day, then that's what I say. If it's a good day, I say that too. Some days are good days! Some minutes are still really awful!
The book has also made me question how I treat others in my life; people that are also experiencing grief or are fighting a battle of cancer, or just not having a really good day or a good life. Am I compassionate enough? Do I have empathy? Am I sympathetic to what they're feeling? I need to remember to treat them as I would like to be treated.